7 Heartfelt Questions to Reflect on When Marriage Feels Hard

As parents, the strength of your marriage directly impacts your children. Your unity as a couple creates the foundation for the happiness, joy, security, and peace they experience at home. Even though kids may not fully understand the complexity of adult relationships, they can sense when something is off. That’s why it’s so important to work on your marriage, not just for your sake, but for theirs as well.

Let’s face it—every marriage has its ups and downs. Life’s challenges can put a strain on even the strongest relationships. But here’s the truth: God designed marriage to be a lifelong commitment, and His desire is for restoration and growth, even in tough seasons. With prayer, patience, and the right tools, you can strengthen your marriage and experience the kind of love that endures.

No matter what you’re going through right now, there’s hope. God has given you and your spouse the ability to work through your challenges and come out stronger. So, before considering separation, let’s talk about some steps you can take to heal, rebuild, and enjoy the marriage you both long for.

Have You Communicated Clearly?

Open, honest communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. Miscommunication is one of the leading causes of many relationship breakdowns, often happening when we don’t take the time to really listen and speak our hearts clearly. But the good news is that communication is a skill you can learn and improve, especially when God’s wisdom guides you.

Did you know that during stressful moments, people only retain 30-35% of what they hear? That means it’s possible your spouse didn’t catch the most important things you’ve said, and vice versa. Take a moment to slow down, write out your thoughts, and pray for the right words before sitting down to talk. Choose a calm, quiet time when you can really listen to each other without distractions—maybe after the kids are in bed or during a quiet weekend morning.

What Are Your Expectations?

Having realistic expectations in marriage is crucial for long-term happiness. While you and your spouse might not be on the same page right now, it’s important to openly discuss your hopes for the future. Knowing each other’s expectations can bring reassurance and prevent unnecessary conflicts.

Take the time to share what you’re hoping for and listen to what your spouse needs as well. God calls us to serve and love each other as Christ loves the Church, and understanding your spouse’s heart is a big part of that.

Are You Prepared for Divorce?

Let’s be clear—divorce is not God’s will for marriage. He calls us to work through our differences and seek reconciliation whenever possible. Marriage is a sacred bond that was meant to last a lifetime, and unless there is physical harm or unfaithfulness involved, God’s plan is always for healing and restoration. While some may consider cohabitating while divorcing as a temporary solution, it can often create more confusion and tension. God’s desire is for genuine reconciliation and unity, not a situation where the relationship remains fractured under the same roof.

It’s also important to recognize that the enemy is actively working to destroy your marriage. The Bible warns us in John 10:10 that “the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy.” Satan wants nothing more than to tear apart what God has joined together. But Jesus reminds us that He came so that we may have life, and have it to the full. Don’t let the enemy’s schemes take root in your heart or your marriage.

If you’re considering divorce because things are tough, take a step back. Before making any drastic decisions, ask yourself if you’ve done everything possible to save the marriage. Sometimes, all it takes is a renewed effort, prayer, and perhaps counseling to bring new life to your relationship. Remember, God can restore even what feels broken. Stand firm in your faith, resist the enemy, and trust that God is capable of bringing healing to your marriage.

How Is This Affecting Your Children?

Your children are a part of your marriage, and they are impacted by what happens between you and your spouse. Children are incredibly sensitive and intuitive—they can feel when things are tense, even if it’s not spoken out loud. As parents, you have a responsibility to protect their emotional and spiritual well-being by working toward a healthy and loving home.

Sometimes, it may be helpful to seek family counseling or to have conversations as a couple about how to create a more peaceful home environment. Working through issues doesn’t just benefit your marriage—it blesses your children, too.

Would You Be Happier Alone?

This is a tough question, but it’s important to be honest with yourself. Would you truly be happier alone, or are you just feeling overwhelmed by the current difficulties? Often, when we take the time to reflect and seek God’s guidance, we realize that the marriage we thought was on shaky ground can actually be saved.

Being happy in marriage isn’t about everything being perfect; it’s about choosing each other every day, even when things are hard. If both you and your spouse are willing to fight for the marriage, there’s every reason to believe that things can get better. Pray for a renewed sense of joy, and ask God to show you how to rebuild your relationship in a way that honors Him.

Do You Still Love Each Other?

Love is more than a feeling—it’s a commitment and a daily choice. Do you still love your spouse with the same passion and commitment as when you first got married? Even if the love feels buried under the weight of life’s challenges, it can be rekindled.

Take time to pray, reflect, and honestly ask yourself if you want to build a future with your spouse. If the answer is yes, then it’s worth fighting for. With God’s help, your marriage can be restored and even thrive again. Love can be reignited, but it takes both of you being willing to put in the effort.

Is Reconciliation Best?

In most cases, reconciliation is not only possible but the best outcome for everyone involved. A healed marriage brings blessings, joy, and stability not only to you but also to your children and your extended family. God is a God of second chances, and He delights in bringing healing to relationships that seem beyond repair.

If there is no physical harm or unfaithfulness, then reconciliation is almost always worth pursuing. Be honest with yourself and your spouse about what needs to change, and seek God’s guidance as you move forward. Whether through prayer, counseling, or simply spending more intentional time together, God can restore what feels broken.

Focus on What You Can Change

Sometimes, the real breakthrough in marriage happens when you stop focusing on what your spouse isn’t doing and instead turn your attention to what you can change within yourself. When you shift your focus toward deepening your relationship with God and working on your own heart, incredible things can happen. As you grow spiritually, your perspective changes, and you may start to see your spouse—and your marriage—through a lens of grace and patience.

It’s amazing how much peace can come when you let go of trying to change your spouse and instead ask God to transform your own heart. This shift in focus can lead to positive changes not only in your relationship with your spouse but also in your interactions with your children. Your kids will see the example of a heart transformed by God, and that kind of transformation invites miracles into your home. By focusing on what you can control—your actions, your prayers, and your trust in God—you open the door for healing and restoration to flow into every part of your family life.

Remember, marriage is a journey. There will be hard seasons, but with God’s grace and your commitment, those seasons can lead to deeper love and stronger connection. Don’t give up on what God has brought together—He is able to make all things new.

Forest Rose

Forest Rose is a God Loving, Blessed Wife, &  Mama to 3 girls. She’s passionate about lifting moms out of the trenches that are discouraged, overwhelmed, or feeling alone or isolated. Her hope is to point them to Christ and equip them to rise up with a newfound hope and joy within, that He alone can provide. Besides blogging, she also loves to create printables!