Coping with Aging Parents in Nursing Homes

It can be challenging to deal with the challenges of getting older, especially for our parents. People who were once fiercely independent and raised us may now depend on us for their care. For many, the complex care they require can exceed your capabilities, and you’ll be left with the difficult decision to place them into nursing homes. A myriad of emotions come with this decision, and that’s okay. Let yourself feel them. You need to be able to cope and make peace with your decision.

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Your feelings are valid, but you may need extra help to deal with them.

Engage in Difficult Conversations

One of the most challenging conversations you’ll have with your parents is admitting you can no longer care for them. They may feel confused, angry, and upset. Your parents may try to get you to change your mind or guilt you.

While it will be difficult, stand your ground. Explain the reasons why you have come to this decision. Maintain open and honest communication throughout the entire discussion. Once they’ve come to terms with it, involve them in the process. You know their needs, but ask them what they want in a nursing home. Visit the facilities together to make sure they feel comfortable.

When you gain their input and ask for feedback, your parents will feel in control of the situation. This sense of control is vital for a smooth transition.

Research Nursing Homes

Not all nursing homes are created equal, so do your research. The Medicare Nursing Home Tool is a great resource to help support you through the process. They pull together all Medicare-certified nursing facilities into one list. You can search by state and filter the results by rating, beds, and more.

The search results show you the overall rating but click in for more information, including health inspection results, staffing reports, and quality measure overviews. Avoid nursing homes with one star like Aperion Care Wilmington. This nursing home will not provide adequate care for your loved one, especially as there have been reported cases of abuse within the facility.

These reviews are critical, but they’re one aspect of the research process. Tour the facility, ask family and friends for input, or look online. The more inputs you have, the better.

Create a Home Away From Home

Nursing homes can be bland, so do your best to spruce it up for your parents. Bring familiar items like bedding and favorite clothes to their room. Decorate the space with fresh flowers for a pop of color. Add pictures of family, friends, pets, travels, and more to make them comfortable.

Most nursing homes won’t allow you to make permanent changes like painting the walls, but you may be able to hang paintings or pictures on the walls temporarily. Ensure they can access hobbies like reading, knitting, and needlepoint. Encourage them to get involved with programming at the nursing home to make friends.

The more involved and engaged your parents feel at a nursing home, the smoother their transition period will be. They may even end up liking interacting with their peers more than they thought!

Stay Involved

Many parents fear they will be forgotten if they are sent to a nursing home, and that’s simply not the case. Visit them regularly to see them in person. When you cannot visit, call them to talk about their day. If they are technologically savvy, video call them. Bring the kids and dogs to say hi.

Engage with the nursing home staff members to stay connected to their care. They can provide regular updates about how they’re doing. They may even be able to send pictures back and forth to help you feel like you’re there.

Feel Your Feelings

Let yourself acknowledge your feelings. Sending your parents to a nursing home can be stressful, and you may feel tired, scared, relieved, guilty, and so much more. You’ll often cycle through your feelings, and that’s okay! It’s completely normal.

The best thing you can do is to let yourself feel your feelings. Don’t try to bottle them up inside or shrug them off like they don’t matter. These behaviors are unhealthy, and your feelings end up boiling over eventually.
Instead, acknowledge your emotions without judgment. You made a hard decision. You prioritized your parents’ health and safety. You did what you had to ensure they had access to the care needed to survive and thrive. You made the right decision.

Don’t Stress

Most people find coping with aging difficult. The stress can be compounded when making care decisions for aging loved ones. Do what you think is best. Decisions made with love, care, and compassion will always steer you in the right direction.

Forest Rose

Forest Rose is a God Loving, Blessed Wife, &  Mama to 3 girls. She’s passionate about lifting moms out of the trenches that are discouraged, overwhelmed, or feeling alone or isolated. Her hope is to point them to Christ and equip them to rise up with a newfound hope and joy within, that He alone can provide. Besides blogging, she also loves to create printables!